… is 80% hope. Which is still a lot. That’s every 4 out of five steps you take.

As you can see, I took a bit of a break updating through April and May. Downcycles will do that. Losing a job will do that.

I’m on the up, as of a couple weeks. Today I even woke up from a good dream! Much better than previous times. The last week of May was exhausting. I thought about posting, but then realized I had no way to compose myself. One step at a time. So hello June, and hello summer.

The weather is increasing. We’ve had a gracious couple of weeks at the end of may with no 80’s which pleases my cave dweller friends and displeases my sunflower friends. However I know that sometime, some week, we will get caught up. Human accelerated global warming is real. Solar accelerated global warming is normal, and has been tracked since early human evolution. We were due to have a sea level rise, to continue desertification of the continents, before humans found coal and oil with which to burn the atmosphere apart. I think we could have adapted to the inhuman forces. And I think we can adapt to our own, too.

One of my projects is to continue to talk about this. To visualize it. To put it into something you can feel, and make it relatable on an individual human scale. I want to animate forces at work, systems especially. From the perspective between sizes we normally encounter. Create a video, project it onto different places. Create a space with a projection and put myself in it as a missing piece, craft items that no longer exist as if they were with us today, craft things that we may need in the coming future: a video of what the sky might be, a closet of what we might wear, a model of where we might live, a Speculative Fiction.

I don’t think it’s arrogant to use the imagination or to pretend something might be happening. Human scope is so limited, even collective human scope. Hope is a technique to push beyond this limitation. And it is also a way to fight the victim complex. It is not your fault for hoping something or someone is good and for that to turn out to be untrue. It is not the fault of the person planning for success that failure happens. Winning and losing and getting in trouble are all ideas we set up for ourselves, and never a reality. You only encounter these things during games, where rules are built in a controlled situation, where everyone agrees on these rules. This is rare and beautiful.

Life isn’t a game. It’s a garden.

Growing is an interesting verb. Like living, it is the process to which we all achieve death. We grow forever until we die. The physical growing may stop after some arbitrary age range, but the rest is mental. The rest are axons and synapses and neurons, folding and folding and making more surface area. And even then, with a limited number of cells, our cells extrude in the same motion as they break and are reabsorbed by the body. Growing towards a good death is an honest way to look at things, I feel.

In other news, some breakthrough conversations were had the last couple months, some frustrating instances and some very very low moments. I’m incredibly thankful for everyone around me that reaches out to ask how I’m doing, to support my choices, to listen to me, to be with me when things are hard, to help with the chores, to offer anything they can when I don’t know what would make a difference, and to the elements for staying real.

Thank you!

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