Back at it again

Hey grandparents, love you. Sorry I haven’t been in touch a lot. I’ve been uh. Very depressed and I don’t know what to say or do. I’ve been keeping my head down and trying to stay steady. Mental health has been awful and staying consistent with meds, exercise, and sleep have all challenged me. Especially the sleep. I don’t pull all-nighters but I’m so pinched all the time for sleep. My naps are 2 or 3 hours long now!

I have a job! I work in a factory! I was jobless from literally the start of covid until last September! I’m so happy to not have to keep scrambling and slipping for security. For a little while. I work in a goopy industry. I’ll have to review my NDA to see what exactly I can publish online about it. But it’s wild, and my coworkers sure are a variety pack. Lots of stories and lots of badgood influence.

Also, I haven’t written to many or posted to many because I haven’t had a lot of art to do. I feel like I’ve been cooped up and not making nearly any artwork (except Fur20 at the very beginning, and that needs to be picked back up soon now…) so I feel like I have nothing to show. I have literally been spending more hours doing everything else than drawing. It hasn’t felt good. Even little music doodles haven’t been going anywhere.

I do have some progress though, I’ve been going to the gym! It helps with appetite, and also sleep. Kind of. It gets me to sleep but I keep waking up in the middle of the night multiple times. Like some guard dog. Also my body hurts less at my job so I feel better and it doesn’t suck as much. But this is also inconsistent. I have good friends that help motivate me though. I’m thankful for my friends from the woods (names for privacy) who encourage me to do things a lot and have a positive attitude. Depression has been

awful.

Having external reasons to keep going, I need more force behind the internal reasons. I want to animate. I want to draw. I want to make music. I have the tools. I bought the programs, I have the tablet. Creating the environment now, the time and space where I can walk up to it like an instrument and engage, that’s the challenge.

I’m doing my best not to beat myself up! I’m doing my best to forgive myself and to engage with the world! And to go to bed on time!!!